Smart Drugs: Viagra for Your Brain

Wouldn't you like to sleep four hours a day and then wake up alert, productive, and full of energy?

Well, all you need is one dose of a drug called Modafinil (or Provigil)--an apparent "wonder drug" that allows users of the drug to work with extraordinary attentiveness and productivity even after the bare minimum of sleep. The most amazing thing is that, as long as it's taken in moderation, the drug has negligible short-term side effects and no apparent long-term side effects. Also, it's not chemically addictive.

The drugs have been around pretty much since the early 2000's but not much has been said about them. In 2003, David Plotz wrote a short piece for Slate (see link below) about Modafinil, but since then not much has been written. Which is wierd. As ubiquetous as the drug and its use has been--especially by students--it's strange you still have to look long and hard for much information about it. Although, what you do find is a bit shocking.

Over the last four years, first-generation "smart drugs" have been booming--especially on campuses. "Adderall sales are up 3,135.6 percent [and] Provigil is up 359.7 percent," says the Washington Post. Of course, this is all kindof expected, right? It boosts your energy, makes you more attentive, and even helps with weight loss--with no ill side-effects! What could be better?

In fact, not only will make you smarter, but it'll even clean your apartment. As one student put it, "Universities now sport some of the cleanest apartments in the history of undergraduate education. You've done all your work, but you're still focused. So you start with the bathroom, and then move on to the kitchen."

Well, I may be overstating the case for some of these drugs. Modafinil does have some minor side-effects. If you take a lot of the drug, it apparently gives you the shakes. Also, some nausea may be involved. Oh, and there's the whole dermis-epidermis-separation disease which doesn't sound so pleasant, but that's extremely rare--around one case per million.

Also, there's the added problem that doctors don't seem to know exactly why it works. Apparently, there's a little scientific dispute over where exactly Modafinil's rubber hits the road (e.g. "The exact mechanism of action of Modafinil is unclear" says Dr. Wikipedia).

But I don't think these are huge obstacles--not big enough to stop the monster that is Commerce. There's just too much demand for this type of product. I bet third-year med-students are popping these things like candy.

Check out David Plotz's 2003 Slate article. He took a few pills over a few days and recorded the effects. Here's his anecdotal findings:

Day 1, Monday

6:45 a.m.: Woken up by my daughter after the usual six and a half hours.

7 a.m.: I open the bottle. The pills are monstrous. I start to chicken out. I've never smoked pot, much less taken cocaine or amphetamines. I decide to halve the dosage. When I cut the first pill with my pocketknife, half of it shoots off my bureau, slides across the floor, and disappears under a dresser, no doubt to be discovered and eaten by my daughter someday in the near future. I pop the other 100-milligram half.

10 a.m.: At the office. I've felt no rush, but alertness has snuck up on me. I am incredibly attentive, but not on edge. I really, really feel like working, a rare sensation.

12 p.m.: I reach for my usual lunchtime Coca-Cola, then think better of it. Caffeine plus this sprightliness and I will be ping-ponging off the walls.

2 p.m.: This is when I usually fold. Today I am the picture of vivacity. I am working about twice as fast as usual. I have a desperate urge to write, to make reporting calls, to finish my expense account—activities I religiously avoid. I find myself talking very loudly and quickly. A colleague says I am grinning like a "feral chipmunk."

6 p.m.: Annoyed to have to leave the office when there is all this lovely work to do.

9 p.m.: Home. After dinner, I race upstairs to start working again. This is totally out of character, especially on a Monday Night Football evening.

12 a.m.: I want the day to keep going but force myself to go to bed. I fall asleep easily enough, but it's a weird night. I have lots of dreams, which is unusual. All are about Getting Things Done.

Day 2, Tuesday
6:30 a.m.: I wake up feeling good, cut another pill in two, and pop a half.

9 a.m.-7 p.m.: I work like a fiend again. These have been the two most productive days I've had in years. Idea for new Provigil ad slogan: "Bosses' Little Helper."

1 a.m.: Again I'm alert through the late evening—so alert that I infuriate my wife by chattering at her long past her bedtime. This time, when I do conk out, I sleep deeply.

Day 3, Wednesday
7 a.m.: My one-man clinical trial starts to fall apart. Everyone says modafinil is not addictive, but I wake up worried about how long my supply will last. I count the pills and realize I have only five and a half left. That's just an 11-day supply. I remember that I offered a sample to a friend yesterday. I am annoyed—one day less for me. I start to cut up the remaining pills, wondering if I can divide them into thirds instead of halves.

I realize that maybe I can find a different supplier. I log onto the Internet to see if I can get modafinil on the sly. I find it cheap at the Discount Mexican Pharmacy. I feel delighted and relieved. Then I feel terrified that I am delighted and relieved. "Discount Mexican Pharmacy"?!

7:30 a.m.: I end my experiment after two days. I am acting like a lunatic. I stash the remaining pills in a distant corner of the medicine cabinet. I calm myself with the reminder that I have 11 more great days to look forward to.

So is modafinil a drug for future superpeople? Maybe. There are good reasons for doubt, though. The drug is approved only for treating narcolepsy, and doctors are not going to prescribe it like aspirin anytime soon. Though patients don't seem to get addicted to modafinil or to build a tolerance, according to Walsleben, the drug has been in use for only 10 years, and no one knows for certain that it's safe over the long term. (Cephalon and other drug companies, incidentally, are working on even more powerful wakefulness drugs, but none is on the market yet.)

I loved taking modafinil for two days. I worked supernaturally hard and well. But I'd be afraid to make it a habit. I'll use it again for a special occasion—when I am late for a deadline, perhaps. In the meantime, I'll just yawn my way through the midafternoon.

I'm gonna make an aside here--that's Shakespeare-speak for "going off-topic". It seems to me Mr. Plotz's article is poorly structured and shoddily written. Is this supposed to be further evidence of the dangers of drug use or was Slate Magazine so hard-up for material at the time that it just didn't care for editing? Maybe I can talk Slate into giving me an advance for a book on drug addiction. All I'll have to do is type a couple hundred pages of random words and phrases and then stamp "My Life on Lots of Drugs" on the front cover.

I can see it now:

• Chapter One: Find drugs, Take drugs
• Chapter Two: Whoa, what just happened?
• Chapter Three: "Don't come near me! Don't Touch MEEE!"
• Shatner Fore: One fish, Blue fish?
• CH%555: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. All work....
• etc, etc....

Ok, where was I?

Oh yeah, smart drugs. I guess I should list the major smart drugs. After all, it's kind of the most interesting thing about this whole excursion.

Beta Blockers -- Popular since the 1970s, Classical Musicians have often use them to focus and calm their nerves during Live performances.

Adderall -- "Poor man's coke," as I've heard it called, Adderall is popular with high school students as well as college students. Used to treat ADHD. Some kids who take it commit suicide. :(

Modafinil (or Provigil) -- Big with students, used to treat narcolepsy. Another side-effect I forgot to mention is that it lessens the effect of birth control. Also, don't use while pregnant--can cause birth defects.

Ampakines -- Helps with memory. New class of compounds known to enhance attention span and alertness, and facilitate learning and memory. Do not seem to have unpleasant, long-lasting side-effects.

Sounds pretty nice, eh? I'm not really one to petition my local drugist for anything, let alone a cure for narcolepsy, which is what the FDA certified Provigil for, but I do have a lot books and they ain't gonna read themselves so maybe someday soon I'll go see Dr. Nick about a slight narcolepsy problem--wink, wink--that I've been having.

Maybe. We'll see.